". . . screwed, blued and tattooed . . ."

Are you feeling screwed, blued and tattooed because the man slipped it to you? Like, stay loose, hit the pad and share a thumb with your pash.

Huh?

If that made no sense to you, check out "The Hippie Dictionary" by John McCleary. Using the new book to translate, readers come up with the more conventional: Are you feeling mistreated by the authorities? Relax, go home to bed and share a very large marijuana cigarette with your significant other."

Those expecting the dictionary, published by Ten Speed Press, to be a stodgy reference work are in for a jolt.

McCleary's book is chock-full of pointed editorializing, slang and swear words culled from the vernacular of the 1960s and 1970s hippie youth, who questioned authority and created their own counterculture.

. . . among the book's entries are such gems as "hey man" (the most prevalent greeting of the era) and "swacked" (high on drugs or alcohol).

One of the more amusing entries is found under "like," which McCleary calls an unnecessary word that along with "you know" and "I mean" has come to dominate U.S. speech.

"What is strange about these exclamations is that, even though they have no real bearing on the conversation, they indicate a desire ... to communicate with clarity and understanding."

. . . the book's entry for the term "hippie" says, "The true hippie believes in and works for truth, generosity, peace, love and tolerance. The messengers of sanity in a world filled with greed, intolerance and war."

. . .McCleary has no apologies for expressing highly subjective views in what is ostensibly a reference book.

In his entry on President John F. Kennedy's assassination, he wrote, "It is interesting to note that liberals are the ones who are killed in their prime, and conservatives die old in their soft beds. This world would be a better place in which to live if John Kennedy, Robert Kennedy, and Martin Luther King, Jr., had lived to die in their soft beds."

McCleary said his editorializing is necessary because the hippie era was a very opinionated period and some of the themes he touches on help illustrate the hippie philosophy.

-- from CNN's Offbeat News.

Not acceptable!

From a website called In The News:

December 19, 2003 -- A feisty teller thwarted a bank heist by balling up the robber's demand note and throwing it back in his face.

"I can't accept this!" the teller at BB&T bank in Chesapeake, Va., told the man, who was so startled, he did a fast about-face and fled empty-handed.

"Have a good day at the office, honey!"

Two sandhill cranes share a moment in a field off Old Clyde Park Road near Livingston, Montana, on August 22.

A value, huh?

"This is not something we have a lot of experience with, but we felt it was an area where we could offer a value."

-- Costco Wholesale Corp. spokesman Bob Nelson, on the company's decision to offer value-priced caskets to customers who frequent the store for bulk food and other items

From Newsweek's Periscope

Contact his agent . . .

From CNN's Offbeat News:

A black bear was found passed out at a campground in Washington state recently after guzzling down three dozen cans of a local beer, a campground worker said on Wednesday.

"We noticed a bear sleeping on the common lawn and wondered what was going on until we discovered that there were a lot of beer cans lying around," said Lisa Broxson, a worker at the Baker Lake Resort, 80 miles (129 kilometers) northeast of Seattle.

The hard-drinking bear, estimated to be about two years old, broke into campers' coolers and, using his claws and teeth to open the cans, swilled down the suds.

It turns out the bear was a bit of a beer sophisticate. He tried a mass-market Busch beer, but switched to Rainier Beer, a local ale, and stuck with it for his drinking binge.

Wildlife agents chased the bear away, but it returned the next day, said Broxson. They set a trap using as bait some doughnuts, honey and two cans of Rainier Beer. It worked, and the bear was captured for relocation.

I wonder if ad execs have ever thought of using a bear for a beer commercial????

I think this qualifies as silly

From the Associated Press, originally from the Quad-City Times.

. . . to duh kitties

From CNN's Offbeat News:

Dressed in a tuxedo, Simba sat at the front of one of Manhattan's newest dining establishments and nodded at people who greeted him.

Then he yawned, began to roll on the floor and lick his paws.

That's acceptable behavior at the Meow Mix Cafe, a new eatery designed especially for cats and their human owners.

Simba, an 8-month-old kitten, was joined by about two dozen other tabbies, Persians and Burmese for a feast at Tuesday's grand opening of the cafe, which is owned by the Meow Mix Company, a Secaucus, New Jersey-based cat food maker.

"Why not take your cat out for dinner?" asked Simba's owner, Leah Thompson, 19. "There's always things for dogs, but never cats."

The midtown restaurant serves Meow Mix packets for its feline customers with corresponding dishes to satisfy human palates.

"Deep Sea Delight" mackerel for cats is paired with tuna rolls for cat owners; "Upstream Dream" salmon for felines corresponds with mini crab cakes for humans.

Meow Mix president and CEO Richard Thompson said the feline-friendly restaurant has two main rules: no dogs and no catnip, which must be checked at the door.

"Our goal is to keep cats happy," Thompson said. "The idea is that you can bring them and start socializing them."

Don't mess with her

Wonder Woman is truly a wonder!

" . . . moo like cows . . . "

From CNN's Offbeat News:

NEW YORK (Reuters) -- It's not about sex and all about the touchy-feely experience of snuggling up to perfect strangers wearing pajamas.

The grab fests are called cuddle parties, and since they started in New York in February, hundreds of people have paid $30 each to touch and embrace others in intimate gatherings.

Everyone needs to be cuddled, especially in lonely New York, say creators Reid Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski, who say it's a good way to meet new and interesting people.

But the rules are clear. The PJs stay on the whole time.

In case things get too steamy, a small chime is kept on hand. Before the cuddling begins, the chime is struck several times so everyone gets the message.

"We've never used it," said Mihalko, who said sexual arousal does occur.

The idea for cuddle parties loosely came about after Mihalko, a 14-year masseur, began giving massages to other masseurs who never got the chance to receive them.

Signs that people need to be touched were brought home one day when Mihalko said he noticed a woman bawling from the emotional release that a massage provided her at an outdoor stand in midtown Manhattan.

"It started out as a joke," Baczynski said. "Now we talk about cuddling all the time. It's just been amazing."

Curiosity is a big driver for people who attend cuddle parties, and it is a better way to meet people than going to a bar, getting drunk and spending the night with someone just because of the need for some affection, she said.

A cuddle party is really about communication and not therapy, say the organizers.

Before any touching begins, participants gather in a circle to hear the rules and voice any questions or concerns. The first rule is that the event is not clothing optional, pajamas must stay on and sex is not permitted.

Participants team up into pairs, and to ensure the boundaries of what is permissible are clear, they practice saying "no" to the question, "May I kiss you?"

An introduction to cuddling ensues, first by hugging three people. People then get in a circle on their hands and knees, rub shoulders and moo like cows. After a bit of swaying, everyone falls to their side, which puts them into an easy cuddling position.

Cuddle parties are intended for people who are emotionally sound. People in therapy or who are seeing a mental health professional are asked to consult their doctor before signing up for a party and to tell organizers of their situation.

One group on an overcast Sunday drew a mix of mostly single people in their 30s and a smattering of older people.

A repeat customer who called herself a born-again Christian said it was good to cuddle up to another person, albeit a perfect stranger, after a hectic week.

"I felt good. I had a particularly stressful week," said the woman, who did not wish to be named.

Friends had warned her that the parties would be nothing more than thinly disguised preludes to sex, but she dismissed those worries as alarmist and unfounded, saying, "It's not about sex."

Like others, the chance to meet someone was a consideration in attending a cuddle party.

"People in a way are looking for a connection," Fernando said. "It's weird, but not unusual."

A man named Dwayne H., who described himself as introverted, said he thought the parties would help him relax before strangers and help him express his feelings.

"I have a problem showing emotion," he said.

This story describes cuddling parties in New York City. With all that mooing going on, wait 'til they become popular in the dairy states. Oh, my gosh!

Where's he going?

For some reason, I find this photo funny and yet, oddly compelling.

What does the photo say to you?

(Oh, yes, this was posted on the Associated Press wire and published by the Chillicothe Gazette. [Ohio])

Ms. Froggie enjoying her veggies

Somehow, with us being in the middle of August, garden veggies popping, weekly farmer's markets -- and generally the sheer fullness of nature's bounty -- I just thought we needed to reflect on Ms. Froggie here, enjoying her produce.

You can smoke some weed, but no toe-licking!

Count on CNN's Law Center to report on this:

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands (Reuters) -- Unsolicited toe-licking would be banned in the Netherlands under a law sought by the Dutch Labor party after police were unable to prosecute a would-be Casanova with a taste for female toes because he had committed no crime.

A police spokesman said Friday a man had been detained after women sunning themselves in Rotterdam's parks and beaches claimed he had snuck up on them and begun to lick their toes.

"The officers had to let him go. Licking a stranger's toes is rather unusual but there is really nothing criminal about it," the spokesman said.

Dutch press reports said the man, who is about 35, had been licking the toes of strangers for about three years but was only recently caught by police.

Peter van Heemst, a Labor member of parliament, asked Christian Democrat Justice Minister Piet Hein Donner Friday to explain why Dutch laws forbid littering but not uninvited toe-licking. Van Heemst demanded an amendment prohibiting it.

"It is a violation of one's privacy and one's physical integrity," he told a local news agency. "The norm... is that no one should touch your body if you haven't asked them first."

A spokesman for Donner said the minister could not immediately comment.

Well, if I ever travel in the Netherlands, I'll feel safer now.

Homeland Security in action

What kind of a world is it when someone of Middle-Eastern descent can't so much as drop a gum wrapper on the street without being descended upon by various governmental agencies, but good ol' American baddies get a free pass to rob banks when the current leader of the free world and his successor are in town?

http://www.wistv.com/Global/story.asp?S=2136958 (link courtesy of Mr. Maxxx)

Help wanted: Court jester

From CNN's Offbeat News:

LONDON, England (AP) -- English Heritage, guardian of various historic sites in Britain, is advertising for someone to be the nation's first court jester since 1649.

An ad appearing in Thursday's editions of The Times laid out the qualifications: "Must be mirthful and prepared to work summer weekends in 2005. Must have own outfit (with bells). Bladder on stick provided if required."

Auditions will be held Saturday at Stoneleigh Park in Warwickshire, and the winner will have to negotiate a salary, English Heritage said.
The court jester's position died along with King Charles I, who was executed by Oliver Cromwell's supporters in 1649. The monarchy was restored 11 years later, but the position of jester did not return.

"It is about time we had a jester again," said Tracy Borman, the agency's director of education, events and outreach.

"It is one of those roles that fell by the wayside when Cromwell made Britain a republic, but there is no reason not to bring it back now."

I have always loved the words, "mirth" and "merry." Oh, to be mirthful and merry! Bring it on, o ye court-jester-to-be.

A New Trick for Old Dog Owners

From good ol' CNN comes this article:

You: Here, Rover. Here, boy!
Dog: Pant, pant, pant.

You: Eat this.
Dog: Crunch, crunch.

You: Feel smarter?
Dog: Why, yes, I do.

The above human-and-canine dialogue could take place courtesy of the good folks at Proctor & Gamble (although your dog won't actually start talking). This week P&G's Eukanuba brand unveiled food that it claims will produce smarter dogs.

I already think Cisco is too smart for her britches, er, uh, her own good, so I'll stick to Sensible Choice, thanks!

Did you see the BLUE MOON ????

While I didn't see our blue moon Friday night/early Saturday morning, I did see it last night (Saturday) . . . and it was a beaut!

Here's a transcript of CNN's interesting article about blue moons and the possible origins of the adjective, "blue:"

Some almanacs and calendars assert when two full moons occur within a calendar month, that the second full moon is called the "Blue Moon."

That second full moon this month will come on Saturday, July 31st, and will look no different than any other full moon.

On past occasions, usually after forest fires or volcanic eruptions, the moon can indeed take on a bluish or lavender hue. Soot and ash particles, deposited high in the Earth's atmosphere can sometimes make the moon appear bluish. Such a situation was noted across eastern North America in late September 1950, due to smoke from widespread forest fire activity in western Canada. Also, in the aftermath of the massive eruption of Mount Pinatubo in the Philippines in June 1991 there were reports of blue moons worldwide.

The phrase "Once in a blue moon" was first noted in 1824 and refers to occurrences that are uncommon, perhaps even rare. Yet, to have two full Moons in the same month is not as uncommon as one might think. In fact, it occurs, on average, about every 32 months. And in the year 1999 it actually occurred twice in three months.

For the longest time no one seemed to have a clue as to where the "Blue Moon Rule" originated. I myself once suggested that the rule might have evolved out of the fact that the word "belewe" came from the Old English, meaning, "to betray." Perhaps, I suggested, the second full Moon is 'belewe' because it betrays the usual perception of one full moon per month.

It was not until the year 1999 that the origin of the calendrical term "Blue Moon" was at long last discovered. It was during the time frame from 1932 through 1957 that the Maine Farmers' Almanac suggested that if one of the four seasons (winter, spring, summer or fall) contained four full moons instead of the usual three, the third should be called a "Blue Moon."

But thanks to a couple of misinterpretations of this arcane rule, first by a writer in a 1946 issue of Sky & Telescope magazine, and much later, in 1980 syndicated radio program, it now appears that the second full Moon in a month is the one that's now popularly accepted as the definition of a "Blue Moon."

Another interesting fact about the full moon of July 2nd is its near coincidence with the time of perigee -- its closest point to the Earth. Perigee occurred on July 1st at 7:00 p.m. EDT; the moment of full moon comes just over a half a day later at 7:09 a.m. EDT on July 2nd. At the moment of perigee, the moon's distance from Earth was 222,107 miles (357,448 kilometers).

This circumstance will result in a dramatically large range of high and low ocean tides during this Independence Day weekend. Any coastal storm at sea around this time will almost certainly aggravate coastal flooding problems. Such an extreme tide is known as a perigean spring tide, the word spring being derived from the German springen -- to "spring up," not a reference to the spring season.

While this will be one of the "biggest" full moons of 2004 (the June full moon was slightly closer) the variation of the moon's size due to its distance is not readily apparent to observers viewing the moon directly. To those living on the shores near the Bay of Fundy in eastern Canada, however, the 10 to 20 foot (3 -6 meter) increase in the vertical tidal range makes it obvious when the moon lies near perigee, clear skies or cloudy.