Bliggity Bloggity Blog

Thumbprints?

2009-09-07T13:21:00.000-04:00

This article is initially funny. As you read it, however, you will become more and more incensed with corporate arrogance and this bank's cavalier attitude towards people:

Bank insisted on thumbprint from armless man

The Americans with Disabilities Act will be 20 years old next year, and Steve Valdez is still wondering when a Bank of America branch near his Tampa, Fla., home is going to hear about it.

The 54-year-old Hillsborough County employee told TODAY’s Lester Holt Monday in New York he is still irked by what happened to him recently when he went into the branch, where his wife has an account, to cash a check made out to her. The teller and branch manager refused to cash the check because he didn’t have an account there and he couldn’t give them a thumbprint to confirm his identity.

The kicker is they wouldn’t accept his reason for not providing the thumbprint: He doesn't have any thumbs, or arms for that matter, because of a birth defect.

Even when he offered two forms of photo identification, the teller wouldn’t budge. He was told company policy required the thumbprint. If he wanted to cash the check, either his wife could come in to cash the check or he could open an account.

... Valdez, who functions with two prosthetic arms, is not the sort to complain about his disability. In his entire life, he said, he’d never found it necessary to speak up about being discriminated against. But this time, the bank went too far, he said.

Read the entire article here.

Deal or No Deal?

2009-05-15T10:39:00.000-04:00

From this site:

In one of those inspired bits of research we love so much, a team at Duke University trained a group of rhesus macaques to play a game based on Deal or No Deal.

The researchers gave the macaques a choice of eight white squares to pick up. Underneath each was a colour representing a prize, with green bringing the best reward - a sugary drink. After picking a square, the animals were shown the prizes they had passed up. ...

Brain scans revealed activity in the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC), a region known to monitor the consequences of actions when the monkeys won a prize. But the same area also lit up when they were shown what they had missed, indicating that they were thinking about what might have been.

"This is the first evidence that monkeys, like people, have 'would-have, could-have, should-have' thoughts," said Ben Hayden, a researcher at the Duke University Medical Center and lead author of the study.

Even the macaques got sucked into that troubling, stressful, "what if" thinking. Wow!

A sign of the times

2008-12-28T08:13:00.001-05:00

The box of crackers Debra Rogoff bought from the grocery store had some crackerjack in it — an envelope stuffed with $10,000.

Yet the Irvine woman was more curious than ecstatic about her daughter's find. After all, who would leave money in such a place?

"We just thought, 'This is someone's money,'" she said. "We would never feel good about spending it."

Rather than go on a shopping spree, the family called police and was initially told the money could be part of a drug drop.

Police later heard from store managers at Whole Foods in Tustin that an elderly woman had come in a few days earlier, hysterical because she had mistakenly returned a box of crackers with her life savings inside. In a mix-up the store restocked the box rather than composting it.

The Lake Forest woman, whose identity was not released, had lost faith in her bank and decided the box would be a safer place for the money.

Luckily for her, the box of Annie's Sour Cream and Onion Cheddar Bunny crackers were bought by the Rogoffs, who discovered the crisp $100 bills in an unmarked white envelope on Oct. 10.

The Rogoffs never heard from the woman and didn't receive a reward, but Rogoff did return to Whole Foods a couple weeks later.

"I asked them if I could have another box of crackers," she said with a laugh. The store obliged.

From the Associated Press.

Thank goodness criminals can be so stupid!

2008-08-16T14:10:00.001-04:00

From the Associated Press:

Memo to anyone planning a drug store robbery: don't lock your keys in the getaway vehicle.

Police said John Wilkinson, 24, of Big Spring, did just that after he allegedly robbed the Stanton Drug Store of Zanax and hydrocodine.

They said Wilkinson used a caulking gun, wrapped in a dark cloth, to get the drugs Thursday afternoon.

Afterward, he allegedly headed back to his vehicle, which was parked and running in front of the drug store, and discovered he was locked out, the Midland Reporter-Telegram reported in its online edition Thursday.

Stanton Police Chief Mike Adams said Wilkinson then tried to get away on foot. Police, who thought he had a gun, shot him in the top of his shoulder during the short chase.

Just focused on the begonias

2008-07-27T13:56:00.003-04:00

What's growing in YOUR garden?

A 73-year-old Dutch man was astonished to learn from police that the begonias he had lovingly tended on his doorstep concealed a secret marijuana plantation.

"Police officers suddenly noticed marijuana plants sprouting from his begonias," a police spokeswoman in The Hague said on Friday.

The Hague pensioner promised to destroy the marijuana plants, which he believes were planted by local youngsters, while preserving his begonias.

Earlier this month the Dutch government set up a task force to crack down on marijuana cultivation in the country.

Growing marijuana is illegal in the Netherlands, but sales of it and other cannabis-related soft drugs in coffee shops have been tolerated for decades.

--from Reuters

Not needles in a haystack ....

2008-07-27T13:48:00.003-04:00

... but diamonds in a landfill?

From MSNBC:

A Staten Island jeweler has gotten her 3-carat diamond earrings back after she, her husband and city sanitation employees sorted through a smelly heap of garbage. The studs were in a small jar of cleaning solution, which a worker at the couple's jewelry store had accidentally thrown away ...

Ewww!

Commemorate the mess

2008-07-20T11:21:00.002-04:00

From the Associated Press, via Yahoo News:

A measure seeking to commemorate President Bush's years in office by slapping his name on a San Francisco sewage plant has qualified for the November ballot.

The measure certified Thursday would rename the Oceanside Water Pollution Control Plant the George W. Bush Sewage Plant.

Supporters say the idea is to commemorate the mess they claim Bush has left behind by actions such as the war in Iraq.

Local Republicans say the plan stinks and they will oppose it.

What Bush will be remembered for?

2008-06-08T15:29:00.002-04:00

from a Table Talk at Salon:

He got some brush cleared. He lowered the bar for the next president. He almost succeeded in uniting the Democratic Party. No one has ever been able to do that.

How can you call him a failure when he's achieved all that while taking a record number of vacation days?

Call him a failure, indeed!

Tornado Oddities

2008-06-03T04:13:00.000-04:00

from the Associated Press and the St. Paul Pioneer Press:

HUGO, Minn. (AP) -- As residents in Hugo begin to move on from last week's tornado, some say they noticed a few bizarre things amid all the damage. Jason Akins said the twister unwound a roll of toilet paper in his bathroom - draped it across the countertop, then rewound it in the sink. The toilet paper didn't even rip.

"All I could say was, 'You have got to be kidding me,'" Akins recalled.

He also said that winds overturned sofas and ripped away his roof, but dishes of cat food and water were untouched. The cat food was actually still in the bowl.

While hurricanes, floods and blizzards create broad swaths of damage, tornados seem to have tiny fingers that can reach in to small areas and cause some weird mischief. Some say tornados have their own personalities.

Terry Clarkin said the Hugo tornado stuck four steak knives in the yard - and they landed in a perfect square, with the blades in the dirt about three inches.

Across the street, a tree had been stripped of leaves, and instead was filled with pink wads of insulation - looking much like a tree from a cartoon.

Some residents made interesting findings amid the wreckage.

Five-year-old Lauren Ford found a red Spider-Man T-shirt in her back yard. One neighbor found a fishing boat against the remains of a front porch. Others found canoes, checkbooks or toys.

Jeff Janus said the tornado protected him.

He was in his front yard when the storm hit, and he ran inside and grabbed his dog and cat.

"I saw people's houses flying by," he said. He didn't make it to the basement, but instead crouched down in the hallway, with one animal in each arm. He said the storm tore off the bedroom doors and placed them almost gently on top of him - shielding him from falling debris.

When the storm passed, he said, he spit shreds of insulation from his mouth, but he felt the doors saved him.

"I find it hard to believe I am actually here," said Janus.

REAL Dragons, ya know?

2008-02-10T08:32:00.000-05:00

I found this article at Reuters Oddly Enough page. It's so charming I had to duplicate it here.

My friend Joe Nigg, channeling dragon buyer John Topsell, published a book called How to Raise and Keep a Dragon back in 2006. Joe has written a number of wonderful books about mythological and folkloric creatures, but this one had a particularly interesting story behind it--one that's still unfolding. As Joe explains, "A funny thing happened. The book went from a commissioned adult spoof of animal-raising guides to [being] marketing as an illustrated children's book. The book's surprisingly enthusiastic reception internationally (see matches for John Topsell on Google.com) has shown how fervently many young readers dream of raising their own dragon--and that many adults shared that dream as children, some apparently still believing there are such creatures."

Fueling this impression, Joe says that "Topsell lists fictitious Dragon Suppliers in the back of the book," a resource page that has, in part, led to a lot of correspondence from kids--a veritable outpouring. They run the gamut from literal belief and doubt to imaginary play. Sometimes, Joe says, he responds by writing, "John Topsell's dragons have been in myths and stories worldwide since time immemorial. But there are real animals called 'dragons': the Komodo Dragon of Indonesia (which grows up to 10 scary feet long!), and Chinese Bearded Dragons and Water Dragons, tiny lizards that people raise as pets. What I recommend is that you create your own imaginary Dragon friend. Select its breed, size, and color. Name it, and raise it as you read the book."

Below you'll find some wonderful (uncorrected) excerpts from the many emails and letters received by Joe, which once again show just how imaginative and passionate kids can be about the things they love.

I loved the book "How to Raise and Keep a Dragon." I live in California, but my parents are unwilling to drive to Dragon House, Inc. to get a miniature Standard Western Dragon. First of all, is there any way to get a dragon egg shipped here? And, my parents have no belief in dragons whatsoever. I need to find some way to get a dragon, no matter what the cost. In addition, I need to know how much they cost. Thanks! how long wold it take for a dragon to fly from canada to south america?

***

I am five years old. I want a Standard Western Dragon. I also want the Mushussu Dragon. I want the Piasa Dragon and the Dragon of India. Where can I get them? Can I have a dragon? That is it.

***

dose a baby dragon think your its mom wen it haches?

***

I have your book and I had wanted to purchase a mini western dragon so I looked in the resources and found a place to purchase a dragon from, so I looked on the internet to look up the place I wanted to get my dragon from, and when I searched it said:"Nothing matches your search."I obviously knew the place you mentioned in the resources wasn't real.I asked my dad to help me find a place where someone sold real dragons on the internet but my dad insisted they were not real.I NEED YOU TO GET ME A LINK FOR A FEW WHERE THEY SELL REAL DRAGONS ON THE INTERNET!!!

***

i saw the thing about mouthrot but how do you see it and kier it.

***

I read the book "How to raise and keep a dragon" and I think it's FANTASTIC. But still have questions I would like to ask. Does a dragon exists(I really really really wish it does.)? If so, can you please give me the phone numbers of the dragon suppliers in China (If [you] have them. If not,the addresses will be ok.)and send me a picture of a stanrd western dragon(green,if possible.), too. Thank you!

***

How big should a miniture dragons room be, at the smallest?

***

I am taking care of a standard western dragon and I am wondering where to buy riding equipment for it.

***

Why did you lie to me? I was so upset when I asked my mom where Babyon was, because I wanted to train a Mushussu dragon. She told me about how it was now Iraq and that it no longer exists. I hate you!

***

What if my dragon goes Buzerk and gets really mean? (not that it has)

***

I am an eleven year old fan of dragons, and I am wondering what you think about them. I must ask, do you truly believe dragons are/were real? Please answer truthfully, I do not like being misguided. I would like to discuss this topic more with you, if you don't mind.

***

I would like to know if you really have dragons because I would like to get one and I can't get one if they're not real.

***

I have a full grown European Dragon, a mini- European dragon, and a European Dragon egg, but where can I find a home for them in a mountain? (I am an excellent trainer but people keep spotting them and faint, while some call the police!) Please reply A.S.A.P.!!!!!!!!

***

Sounding silly but deadly serious?

2007-07-09T20:21:00.000-04:00

Here's the headline I read in Salon.com:

Giant Sinkhole Opens in Mexico City

July 09,2007 | MEXICO CITY -- A giant sinkhole swallowed a stretch of street on Mexico City's east side, with one man feared dead and 30 families evacuated, authorities said Monday.

Even in a city where historic buildings regularly lean, crack, collapse or sink below sidewalk level due to excessive water extraction and unstable soil, the 45-foot-deep sinkhole -- which measures about 15 yards in diameter -- came as a shock.

It began as a giant crack late Saturday in the eastern Iztapalapa borough and rapidly worsened. The ground collapsed, swallowing a car, the facade of a one-story brick building and pavement.

A young man who was watching the spectacle also fell in, and emergency workers were digging with hand tools to try to recover his body, authorities said. His age was not immediately known.

"It is very highly unlikely" that the victim could still be found alive, said Mexico City Civil Defense Secretary Elias Moreno. "But as long as that possibility exists, we are digging very carefully to avoid hurting him if he is alive."

Fissures from the sinkhole extend outward for about 500 yards, raising the danger of additional collapses. Thirty families that live near those cracks were taken to shelters.

Moreno said are using cement to try to fill about 200 other cracks, fissures and sinkholes in Iztapalapa.

He blamed them on the city's triple problem of earthquakes, which cause cracks; the excessive extraction of ground water, which causes sinking, and heavy torrential rains, which make surface soil more likely to collapse.

Mexico City sinks an average of 3 to 4 inches each year.

Written by MARK STEVENSON, Associated Press Writer

If it weren't so deadly, it'd be tremendously funny, the stuff of Looney Tunes and laughable silliness.

Neither entitled nor qualified

2007-05-31T13:40:00.000-04:00

From the inimitable and unrepressable Onion:

CHICAGO—In a surprising refutation of the conventional wisdom on opinion entitlement, a study conducted by the University of Chicago's School for Behavioral Science concluded that more than one-third of the U.S. population is neither entitled nor qualified to have opinions.

"On topics from evolution to the environment to gay marriage to immigration reform, we found that many of the opinions expressed were so off-base and ill-informed that they actually hurt society by being voiced," said chief researcher Professor Mark Fultz, who based the findings on hundreds of telephone, office, and dinner-party conversations compiled over a three-year period. "While people have long asserted that it takes all kinds, our research shows that American society currently has a drastic oversupply of the kinds who don't have any good or worthwhile thoughts whatsoever. We could actually do just fine without them."

In 2002, Fultz's team shook the academic world by conclusively proving the existence of both bad ideas during brainstorming and dumb questions during question-and-answer sessions.

You can say that again! hee-hee-hee.

Can we learn from the ants?

2007-05-29T15:29:00.000-04:00

Now that Memorial Day has come and gone, summer is officially here. If you live in Michigan, you know it's also the season of the dreaded ORANGE BARRELS. Time for road construction, lane closures, orange barrels and interminable delays. Read on:

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Army ants tired of potholes take one for the team, throwing their bodies into rough spots to make a smoother road for their sisters, British researchers reported on Sunday.

They found that army ants of Central and South America match their own bodies to the size of the hole they want to plug. Several may plunge together to fill in bigger holes, they report in the journal Animal Behaviour.

Scott Powell and Nigel Franks of the University of Bristol studied an army ant species called Eciton burchellii, which march across the forests of Central and South America in swarms of up to 200,000.

These raiders always remain connected to the nest by a trail of other ants. But this highway of living ants can be extremely uneven as it passes over leaves and branches on the forest floor.

So a few of the ants climb into the dips to make a smooth road.

"When it comes to rapid road repairs, the ants have their own do-it-yourself highways agency," Franks said in a statement.

"When the traffic has passed, the down-trodden ants climb out of the potholes and follow their nest mates home," Powell added.

"Broadly, our research demonstrates that a simple but highly specialized behavior performed by a minority of ant workers can improve the performance of the majority, resulting in a clear benefit for the society as a whole."

...

"I think every road user who has ever inwardly cursed as their vehicle bounced across a pothole -- jarring every bone in their body -- will identify with this story," said Franks.

Most ant species are believed to live in large colonies of sisters, all with the same mothers. Males are also sometimes produced, but only under certain circumstances.

From this article.

Bubba, getchur gun

2007-05-23T06:20:00.000-04:00

I'm shaking my head over this one:

He can barely walk or talk, but 11-month-old "Bubba" Ludwig is already a fully paid up member of America's firearms fraternity, with a 12-gauge Beretta shotgun and a gun permit to his name.

The shotgun was a gift from his grandfather who bought it as an heirloom for his grandson when the infant was just two-weeks-old.

The gun permit came courtesy of the Illinois state authorities last month.

Who's your daddy?

2007-05-23T06:10:00.000-04:00

Here's a story that highlights that even DNA technology has its limits:

Twin brothers Raymon and Richard Miller are the father and uncle to a 3-year-old little girl. The problem is, they don't know which is which. Or who is who.

The identical Missouri twins say they were unknowingly having sex with the same woman. And according to the woman's testimony, she had sex with each man on the same day. Within hours of each other.

When the woman in question, Holly Marie Adams, got pregnant, she named Raymon the father, but he contested and demanded a paternity test, bringing his own brother Richard to court.

But a paternity test in this case could not help. The test showed that both brothers have over a 99.9 percent probability of being the daddy— and neither one wants to pay the child support. The result of the test has not only brought to light the limits of DNA evidence, it has also led to a three-year legal battle, a Miller family feud and a little girl who may never know who her real father is.

"'Did you sleep with him [Richard Miller] while in Sikeston for the rodeo?'," Cameron Parker, Richard's lawyer, said she asked Holly Marie Adams in 2003 court testimony, to which she answered "'Yes ma'am.'" "She then said she went to appellant's [Raymon Miller's]home where they had sex later that night or early the next morning," Parker said.

All I can say is "Wow!"

Playdough recipe

2007-05-15T09:52:00.000-04:00

Cleaning out some old .txt files, I found a recipe for homemade Playdough. I had even copied the link to the original webpage, but alas, that appears to be long gone. Here's a more up-to-date (and hopefully) safe recipe for young kids and old kids alike.

Colored Playdough

Materials

1 cup water
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1/2 cup salt
1 tablespoon cream of tartar
Food coloring
Saucepan
1 cup flour

Directions

Combine water, oil, salt, cream of tartar, and food coloring in a saucepan and heat until warm.
Remove from heat and add flour.
Stir, then knead until smooth. The cream of tartar makes this dough last 6 months or longer, so resist the temptation to omit this ingredient if you don't have it on hand.
Store this dough in an airtight container or a Ziploc freezer bag.

Time, anyone?

2007-05-15T07:15:00.000-04:00

We've added a new world clock to our blog. Check it out ... at the top of this column.

Measuring how long bells will bong ...

2007-05-14T23:03:00.000-04:00

I haven't cribbed a story from CNN's Offbeat section in a while. Here's one that is more interesting (to me) than offbeat:

VIENNA, Austria (Reuters) -- With the precision of a surgeon, Andreas Rupp carefully wraps sensor strips around a 21-ton bell in Vienna's famous St Stephen's Cathedral.

Europe's second-largest bell, nicknamed Pummerin, is one of several famous bells across the continent being checked to determine their life spans, and unlock the secret of the optimum chime.

Using acceleration sensors and echo microphones, the sensor strips are like electro-cardiograms that determine the health of human hearts, Rupp said.

"The Pummerin is well," determines Rupp, a project scientist and professor at the Polytechnic College in the German city of Kempten. "We just want to know how long it can be healthy and if there is any risk she could crack like so many others."

Hamburg's Millennium Bell has undergone the examination, and bells in Paris' Notre Dame Cathedral and London's St. Paul's Cathedral -- which British partners in the project favored over Big Ben in the Houses of Parliament -- are lined up as the next patients.

The project was triggered by a debate 10 years ago among bell-makers who wanted to determine if bell clappers were hitting the right spot.

Every time a clapper hits, it causes a slight deformation and strains the metal, mostly bronze or bronze alloys. Experts say the location and force of the clapper's hit -- as well as what it is made of -- will have an effect. The sensors record how hard the hit, how deformed the bell is, and its chime.

Dangers also lurk in modernization, they add.

Churches opting for mechanical, even computerized systems over human ringers might shorten their bells' lifespan, some say. Others think a switch from softer clappers to steel ones about 100 years ago has added to the damage.

"Many fear historic bells could be damaged severely or even destroyed by this new way of ringing," Rupp said.
Human ears needed

"Computers chime the bells as they were programmed to do. Humans can always use their hearing, and go 'oh, that didn't sound so nice,' or 'ouch, that was much too hard'," he said.

In the past it would have taken about 10 people to chime the Pummerin, but now it happens at the flick of a switch. Since the bell has only been in action for around 50 years, it might still have plenty of bongs in it yet.

Its predecessor was cast in 1711 with metal from cannon balls used by the Turks during an unsuccessful siege of the city in 1683, but was destroyed in World War Two.

The current bell was cast from remainders of the old one and new material in 1952.

Even if the Pummerin is a youngster in bell terms, Peter Grassmayr, a 14th-generation bell-founder and the Austrian partner in the project, has no doubt about its destiny.

"One day or another, every bell will crack," said Grassmayr standing next to the bell, which spans more than 3 meters and is nearly the same height. "We simply hope to extend their life span with our project."

Sparing usage can also work in a bell's favor. Many great bells -- like Big Ben in the Houses of Parliament in London -- ring daily or hourly but the Pummerin only chimes on special occasions, like high church days, the death of a pope or at midnight on New Year's Eve.

For Austrians themselves, the Pummerin is not just a bell but a symbol of their identity that marks big events throughout their lives, said the dome's priest Toni Faber.

"It is a voice of freedom, a voice of hardship, a voice of hope and a voice of a new life," he said, proudly glancing at the Pummerin. "I can hear all that when I hear the Pummerin."

Have you heard about B Flat?

2007-04-18T09:31:00.000-04:00

I just discovered a most interesting NPR story that first aired on February 16th (my sweetie's birthday!). Here's their blurb on this audio story:

For reasons that remain mostly mysterious, the note we call "B flat" does the oddest things. It aggravates alligators, it lurks in the stairwell of an office building, and it emanates from a supermassive black hole 250 million light years from Earth.

Listen and be delighted: Have You Heard about B Flat?

Drunk gets the munchies!

2006-11-28T20:09:00.000-05:00

from MSNBC:

A Russian man stopped by police for allegedly driving drunk tried to swallow his keys and then bit an officer who tried to retrieve them, a Russian news agency reported Tuesday.

Don't mess with a hungry Russian!

247 of what?

2006-10-09T12:00:00.000-04:00

If I imagine eating 247 of ANY thing (except maybe Pringles), all I can think is: OUCH!

From the AP:

Man eats 247 jalapenos to win contest

A 62-year-old retired accountant from Nevada swallowed 247 peppers in eight minutes to win the Jalapeno Eating World Championship at the State Fair of Texas.

Richard LeFevre won $2,000 for prevailing in Sunday's contest, which was sponsored by the International Federation of Competitive Eating.

"I love to eat, and I love to compete, so the two go pretty well together," said LeFevre, the world's eighth-ranked eater according to the federation.

LeFevre, who has also won the fair's World Corny Dog Eating Contest three times, said his winning strategy was to mix three or four peppers in his mouth with a swig of milk before swallowing.

LeFevre was one of four professional eaters who took the top four places in the competition.

Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas said she had never eaten a jalapeno before the contest. Ranked third in the world by the federation, she downed 239 peppers to take second place and $1,000 in prize money.

Christopher Huang, of Arlington, entered the competition even though he doesn't normally eat spicy foods.

"I eat mild salsa," Huang said. "But there's nothing like putting yourself through a lot of pain for no reason."

The 26-year-old required several minutes of recovery time after eating 53 jalapenos.

"I cant feel my face," he said when he was able to speak again.

Dr. Daniel DeMarco, a gastroenterologist and director of endoscopy at Baylor University Medical Center at Dallas, said the amount of jalapenos consumed in an eating contest is more harmful than the burn.

"It's really pretty stupid," DeMarco said. "Like any sort of abuse of your body, it doesn't make any sense."

He said long-term complications are unlikely, but there are some risks.

"If they get sick, they're going to be vomiting it up, and that can cause esophageal tears," he said.

Who can say it like him?

2006-09-28T22:47:00.000-04:00

Do or do not. There is no try.

--Yoda, 'The Empire Strikes Back'

Bliggity's new O-FISH-UHL SEAL

2006-09-12T11:40:00.000-04:00

Generated where else? -- the Official Seal Generator! Check it out -- it's FUN!

Kicked out!

2006-08-24T10:47:00.000-04:00

It's pretty tough when you're kicked out of an elite club of nine.

Read this succinct little article:

PRAGUE, Czech Republic — Leading astronomers have declared that Pluto is no longer a planet in approving new guidelines that downsize the solar system from nine planets to eight.

The END.

Bye, Pluto. Sorry you can't be in the club anymore.

Rocky and Bullwinkle go ASCII

2006-08-21T12:23:00.000-04:00

I LOVE Rocky and Bullwinkle! Check out this site for some fun ASCII artwork.

Is hell exothermic or endothermic?

2006-07-19T14:10:00.000-04:00

[from an email I received]

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question:
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat).

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is, therefore, extinct .. leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh, my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."

Punnies for Friday

2006-05-12T13:06:00.000-04:00

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and gotmarried. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

And finally, there was the person who sent fifteen different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Patches the Horse

2006-02-16T09:18:00.000-05:00

http://www.prezence.com/images/PatchestheHorse1.wmv

'Tis the season

2005-12-18T11:11:00.000-05:00

From USAToday:

Gold teeth donated to Salvation Army kettle

YORK, Pa. (AP) — The Salvation Army is starting to get used to golden rings appearing in its red kettles. But gold teeth?

A worker tallying collections Thursday found a pair of golden molars in a plastic bag inside a kettle, said Maj. Darren Mudge of the non-profit organization in York County.

"I have no clue what we are going to do with them," Mudge said. "It's a wonderful gesture, I guess."

Less than two weeks ago, Salvation Army workers wondered if three golden rings placed in two kettles were generous donations or lost items.

Mudge joked at the time that workers would keep checking for two more rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

Then, two more golden rings appeared. Followed by 13 more. That's an unprecedented 18 so far this year.

"I think people have picked up on it, and now it's a trend," Mudge said.

In Lancaster County, the Salvation Army has received five or six golden rings this year, Maj. Timothy Lyle said.

Lyle said the Lancaster County agency hasn't received teeth this year but has in years past. Gold dental parts are not as valuable as coins and rings, he said, but can still be exchanged for money.

The talking clock

2005-12-15T14:29:00.000-05:00

A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

"What's with that big brass gong? " one of the guests asked.

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock, " the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously? " asked his astonished friend.

"Yup, " replied the drunk.

"How's it work? " the friend asked, squinting at it.

"Watch, " the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You asshole. It's three-fifteen in the morning!"

Destructive Disease

2005-12-12T16:15:00.000-05:00

CDC Warning

The Centers for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of sexually transmitted disease. The disease is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim and pronounced "gonna re-elect him." Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed for the past four years.

Cognitive characteristics of individuals infected include: anti-social personality disorders, delusions of grandeur with messianic
overtones, extreme cognitive dissonance, inability to incorporate new information, pronounced xenophobia and paranoia, inability to accept responsibility for own actions, cowardice masked by misplaced bravado, uncontrolled facial smirking, ignorance of geography and history, tendencies towards evangelical theocracy, categorical all-or-nothing behavior. Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how this destructive disease originated only a few years ago from a bush found in Texas.

Sad heart: Obituary

2005-12-07T13:49:00.000-05:00

It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news. Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs.Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The grave site was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes Despite being a little flaky at times he was still a crusty old man and was considered a roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly dad, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

If this made you smile for even a brief second, pass it on to someone who kneads it.

Now you never need to stop drinking...

2005-10-07T13:03:00.000-04:00

From Reuters:

BERLIN (Reuters) - Fans of non-stop drinking may soon be able to cut down on time wasted ordering refills, thanks to a beer coaster that can tell when a glass is empty.

The coaster, fitted with sensors, measures the weight of the beer and sends a signal behind the bar when it's time for a refill.

Anxious drinkers can also attract the attention of staff by waving the plastic mat, thanks to a motion sensor.

It was invented by students Matthias Hahnen and Robert Doerr for a project at the University of Saarbruecken in southwest Germany.

The device has attracted the attention of beer vendors in North America, including a leading Canadian brewer, according to Michael Schmitz, one of the supervisors of the project.

"They wanted to know if they could use it or make it themselves," he said. "The prototype cost about 84 euros to make one but if mass produced, it could be done for around 10 euros."

Extra-terrestrial congress

2005-10-05T10:49:00.000-04:00

from Reuters:

One minute Jonathan Reed was hiking with his golden retriever in a forest in Seattle. The next, his pet was being torn apart by a "gray" -- an alien being with an elongated head, smelling of rotting fruit.

A scene from a sci-fi film? No, maintains Reed, a former child-developmental psychologist who says he took the alien home and lived with it for nine days in which it communicated via telepathy and was able to pull thoughts from his mind.

Reed and others -- including Uruguayan Rafael Ulloa who says aliens in spaceships spirited away people from New York's twin towers in the September 11, 2001, attacks -- gather in Lima this week for a world extra-terrestrial congress...

'DETECTING THE VISITORS'

Seeing isn't always believing. Wendelle Stevens, a retired U.S. Air Force colonel, said he believed in aliens after having investigated 100 cases, despite never having seen any himself.

Stevens, thought to have the largest archive of photographs of alleged UFOs in the world, says he worked from 1947-49 in Alaska with B-29 planes fitted with special scientific instruments to "detect the visitors."

...Aliens enthusiasts and UFO spotters are used to raised eyebrows, ridicule and worse. Reed says he was shot after his alien encounter and blames a "government faction which doesn't want this information out."

But his close encounter with the alien with slanting eyes and a slit mouth "proved to me we are living in a much bigger universe," he said.

You know, I tend not to believe in extra-terrestrial visitors, but then there's the old saying, "Where's there's smoke, there's fire." Hmm.

Have you ever seen such swirls?!?!?

2005-10-03T11:32:00.000-04:00

I saw this photo and thought,"Wow!"

It's like sculpting with hair ... or hairy cake frosting!

Yowzer!

Katrina and dentures

2005-09-10T11:35:00.000-04:00

A funny story from this site:

"These four guys walk in looking for a family member and at one point the subject of dentures comes up. The following monologue, which had everyone
rolling on the floor clutching themselves with laughter, from one of the four men took place:"

"Man, you fink FEMA gonna hep me ged thome new teef? I thaw my dendures floading away in da thtawm. I thweah man, I can' harly ea' nuffin. Dey wath givin ou' ham thamicheth da ova day. Me an' dith ova guy wath ea-in' nem. Took him ten minute ea' hith thamich. Took me foday-fahv minute ea' mine! I thweah' man. You fink da federa' gubnent goin hep me git thome teef back? Man, I can' ea' no cawn, no threemp. Ith terribew man, terribew."

wHAt wILl tHEY thINK oF nExT??

2005-08-02T17:27:00.000-04:00

Here's what someone thought of (care of BoingBoing):

New spray laminates dog turds so they don't squish when you scoop

Dog Poo Spray is the winning entry in this year's Student of the Year award at London's Central Saint Martins College. Dog Poo Spray laminates your dog's shit to a stick so that you don't need to scoop it up with a baggie and feel it squish revoltingly between your fingers. The contest was sponsored by the aerosols industry.

In honor of the FIRST moon landing 25 years ago

2005-07-20T17:10:00.000-04:00

Look, look! See what the moon is REALLY made of when you look closely!
(Thanks to Google at this site.)

Dubious distinctions!

2005-06-13T10:57:00.000-04:00

[The following is from the British Sunday Express giving Gongs (medals) for dubious distinctions]

To John Bloor, who mistook a tube of superglue for his hemorrhoid cream and glued his buttocks together.

To Henry Smith, arrested moments after returning home with a stolen stereo. His error was having tattooed on his forehead in large capital letters the words "Henry Smith." His lawyer told the court: "My client is not a very bright young man."

To Michael Robinson, who rang police to deliver a bomb threat, but became so agitated about the mounting cost of the call that he began screaming "Call me back!" and left his phone number.

To Paul Monkton, who used as his getaway vehicle a van with his name and phone number painted in foot-high letters on the side.

To Julia Carson, who as her tearful family gathered 'round her coffin in a New York funeral parlor, sat bolt upright and asked what the hell was going on. Celebrations were short-lived, due to the fact that Mrs. Carson's daughter, Julie, immediately dropped dead from shock.

To poacher Marino Malerba, who shot a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock -- and was killed instantly when it fell on him.

To the passengers on a jam-packed train from Margate toVictoria, who averted their eyes while John Henderson and Zoe D'Arcy engaged in oral sex and then moved on to intercourse ... but complained when the pair lit up post-coital cigarettes in a nonsmoking compartment.

what 100 years will do

2005-06-13T10:50:00.000-04:00

Some U.S. statistics from 1905, only 100 years ago:

The average life expectancy in the U.S. was 47 years.
Only 14 percent of the homes in the U.S. had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.
There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S., and only 144 miles of pavedroads.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavilypopulated than California.
With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union.
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower!
The average wage in the U.S. was 22 cents an hour.
The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year. Acompetent accountant could expect to earn $2,000 per year, a dentist$2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, anda mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births in the U.S. took place at home.
Ninety percent of all U.S. physicians had no college education.Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned inthe press and by the government as "substandard."
Sugar cost four cents a pound.
Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used borax or eggyolks for shampoo.
Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the countryfor any reason.
The five leading causes of death in the U.S. were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke
The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii,and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.
The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was 30!!!
Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented.
There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
Two of 10 U.S. adults couldn't read or write.
Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated high school.
Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores.
According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact,a perfect guardian of health." (Shocking!)
Eighteen percent of households in the U.S had at least one full-time servant or domestic.
There were only about 230 reported murders in the entire U.S.

Some comedic one-liners

2005-05-11T16:54:00.000-04:00

These are all from a well-known comedian who I've never heard of, a-hhhemm, Steven Wright:

Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up

... and my personal favorite: My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

with a shout-out to brother-in-law, Paul, for these.

Happy Birthday Twinkie!

2005-05-11T13:23:00.000-04:00

The Twinkie celebrates 75 golden years

This month, the little cream-filled, yellow spongecake celebrates its 75th birthday -- and no, it's not because the same ones have been on the shelf for that long. That's just one of the urban myths surrounding the snack cakes that were invented in 1930.

Back then, James Dewar, manager of Chicago's Continental Bakery, wanted to find another use for his company's shortcake pans. He decided to fill the small, oblong cakes with a banana-cream filling and name them after the ''Twinkle Toe'' shoes he saw on a billboard in St. Louis. Banana cream-filled Twinkies -- selling two for a nickel -- debuted as part of the Hostess baked-goods line. During World War II, when there was a banana shortage, the filling flavor changed to vanilla.

By the 1950s, Twinkies had become a school lunchbox staple. In 1999, President Clinton and the White House Millennium Council selected the Twinkie to be preserved in the nation's millennium time capsule, calling it an enduring American icon.

Nutritionists scoff at them for being fatty and sugary, but that doesn't keep Hostess from turning out about 1,000 per minute. And just in case you wondered exactly how that happens, the cakes are baked for 10 minutes, then the cream filling is injected through three holes in the top, which is browned from baking. The cake is flipped before packaging, so the rounded yellow bottom becomes the top.

The Twinkie factory is still in Chicago, which also happens to be the American city with the highest per capita consumption of Twinkies. Chicagoans who want their Twinkies gussied up can go to comfort-food restaurant Kitsch'n for Twinkie Tiramisu. Or they can get a fat infusion at hot dog shop Swank Frank, which sells those state fair favorites, deep-fried Twinkies.

The cakes' sturdiness and longevity have led to the myth, say Hostess officials, that Twinkies have a shelf life measured in years, even decades. Roger Bennatti, a science teacher at George Stevens Academy in Blue Hill, Maine, kept one perched atop his chalkboard for 30 years. ''It's rather brittle, but if you dusted it off, it's probably still edible,'' he told the Associated Press when he retired last year.

In reality, Twinkies' shelf life is more like 25 days, says Theresa Cogswell, who calls herself the Twinkie guru and is vice president for research and development at Interstate Bakeries, the parent company of Hostess. She admits she got a good laugh out of the 30-year-old Twinkie story but says she wouldn't want to eat one quite that old. ``You can eat older Twinkies, but they're just not as good as when they're fresh. Then they're awesome.''

Still, a 25-day shelf life is pretty long. That's because Twinkies contain no dairy-based ingredients. Twinkies are basically flour, sugar (three kinds of it), oil, eggs and chemicals (mainly preservatives and stabilizers). They're 150 calories each, about a third of that from fat. Cogswell doesn't think that's so bad. ''There's no bad foods -- just bad quantities,'' she says.

This article is from here.

Find out more about Twinkies here.

Word for the Day . . .

2005-04-28T12:26:00.000-04:00

filibuster /fillibustr/

• noun:...prolonged speaking which obstructs progress in a legislative assembly.

• verb:...obstruct legislation with a filibuster.

— ORIGIN:...French flibustier, first applied to pirates who pillaged the Spanish colonies in the West Indies, influenced by Spanish filibustero; ultimately from Dutch vrijbuiter ‘freebooter.'

For all you Wendish pirates out there, pay attention and add this word to your vocabulary. Arrrgh!

Hunting Moose

2005-03-10T13:34:00.000-05:00

From the inimitable Mr. Sushi comes this too-clean joke:

Two Norwegian hunters from Minnesota got
a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.
They bagged six.

As they started loading the plane for the
return trip, the pilot said the plane could take
only four moose.

The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we
shot six, and the pilot let us put them all on
board; he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were
loaded. However, even on full power, the little
plane couldn't handle the load and went down
a few moments after take-off.

Climbing out of the wreck one Norski asked the
other, "Any idea where we are?" "Yaaah, I tink
we's pretty close to where we crashed last year."

One less life?

2005-03-04T10:42:00.000-05:00

From the AP wire:

INKOM, Idaho - Torri Hutchinson's cat might just have one less life to live. Hutchison was driving along Interstate 15 one day recently when a motorist kept trying to get her attention and pointing to the roof of her car.

She said she was wary of the man, but wondered if perhaps her ski rack might have come loose.

She pulled over to the side, but kept her doors locked and the motor running.

The man pulled up behind her. Hutchinson rolled down her window to hear the man frantically shouting, "Your cat! Your cat!"

He reached for the roof of her car and handed the shocked Hutchinson her orange tabby.

She had driven about 10 miles with the cat on top of the car, and didn't even notice the feline when she stopped for gas.

Hutchinson said Cuddle Bug, or C.B. for short, had climbed into the back of her car as she was getting ready to leave. She put him out, but he must have jumped on the roof while she wasn't looking, she said.

In honor of National Girlfriend and Sistahs Week

2005-03-04T10:33:00.000-05:00

from my friend, Trice, to honor our friendship . . . and to honor my future as an Real-live Eccentric and Bag Lady -- cigar and all!

In honor of our friendship . . .

GREAT!

2005-03-04T09:36:00.000-05:00

This is Cheyenne the GREAT Dane. He's catching some rays while waiting for his owner. How'd you like to get licked by them set of loose lips? (Photo taken by Amy Sancetta for AP Photo.)

GREAT Dane

Here he is again, cropped and filtered through Photoshop 7.0

Overheard

2005-02-23T17:47:00.000-05:00

"Anybody know where we are?"
"I told you to take the left fork."
"Yeah, yeah."

Not only is it Monday, it's January 24th!

2005-01-24T13:04:00.000-05:00

From an article in the London Guardian:

...today is the most depressing day of the year.

And if you want scientific proof, then Cliff Arnall of Cardiff University has it.

He settled on January 24 after using an elaborate formula expressing the delicate interplay of lousy weather, post-Christmas debt, time elapsed since yuletide indulgence, failed new year resolutions, motivation levels, and the desperate need to have something to look forward to.

In short, all that's left of Christmas today is credit card bills and a pervading sense that the next holiday is months away...

And I thought it was just one more gray-wool Michigan day that was depressing me!

Yahoo! It's a boy!

2005-01-14T11:45:00.000-05:00

From CNN's Offbeat News comes this heartwarming story:

A Romanian couple named their son Yahoo as a sign of gratitude for meeting over the Internet, a Bucharest newspaper said Thursday.

Daily Libertatea said Cornelia and Nonu Dragoman, both from Transylvania, met and decided they were meant for each other following a three-month relationship over the net.

They married and had a baby this Christmas, whom they decided to name after one of the worldwide web's most popular portals. "We named him Lucian Yahoo after my father and the net, the main beacon of my life," Cornelia Dragoman was quoted as saying.

It's all about recycling . . .

2005-01-09T11:09:00.000-05:00

From CNN:

Brothers recycle birthday card for 29 years.

... It's a card-swapping tradition that started in 1975, when Floyd first received the birthday card from his brother.

In it, Linus of the Peanuts comic strip tells the reader, "This is the age of ecology! Don't throw this card away. Recycle it to a friend."

Floyd took the advice and sent it back to Earl. Earl followed suit the following year. And so on and so on.

For 29 years the brothers have kept their same-card exchange going, freshening the card up with one-line messages that now have taken up most of the card's open space.

Floyd, 80, receives the card each year around his December 10 birthday, then kicks it back to Earl, 73, in time to acknowledge his birthday on January 31.

"It's getting worn out a little bit," Floyd said.

Happy Holidays!

2005-01-09T11:02:00.000-05:00

While this is a little late, Bliggity Bloggity Blog wanted to acknowledge the beginning of the New Year. Aren't these little people cute??

They were photographed at Mount Auburn Hospital in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Their names are interesting and creative. From left: Karen Granados, 4 days old; Kennedy Mae O'Neill, 3 days old; Diego Novoa, 1 day old; Victoria Irizarry, 1 day old; Luke Harrison Insana, 3 days old; Spencer Bennett Kerr, 1 day old; and Trinity Belle Analambidakis, 4 days old.

My favorite is Trinity Belle (with thanks to CNN's Offbeat News).

Alleged sausage theft could be a call for help

2005-01-06T14:02:00.000-05:00

We woke up Monday morning to find the dog scratching to be let into the house from the porch. There, lying on the floor of the porch was a big ol' sausage, at least a pound-and-a-half, if not two pounds. It looked like Cisco had begun nibbling on one end of it.

S just called me, alerting me to an article in the Free Press today entitled, "Alleged sausage theft could be a call for help."

Now, along with everything else, we have to worry about our kleptomaniac dog???

Whale sings lonely song

2004-12-17T09:52:00.000-05:00

From CNN :

"LONDON, England (Reuters) -- A lone whale, with a voice unlike any other, has been wandering the Pacific for the past 12 years, American marine biologists said Wednesday.
Using signals recorded by the U.S. Navy to track submarines, they traced the movement of whales in the Northern Pacific and found that a lone whale singing at a frequency of around 52 hertz has cruised the ocean since 1992.
Its calls, despite being clearly those of a baleen, do not match those of any known species of whale, which usually call at frequencies of between 15 and 20 hertz.
The mammal does not follow the migration patterns of any other species either, according to team leader Mary Anne Daher.
The calls of the whale, which roams the ocean every autumn and winter, have deepened slightly as a result of aging, but are still recognizable.
The study by scientists at the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution in Massachusetts, appears in the New Scientist magazine."

How very sad! I wonder if the whale has lost its way? Its pod? Is it looking for another lonely whale?

Hairy toes under the stall -- Ewww! --

2004-12-11T11:31:00.000-05:00

Police in Jamestown, North Carolina, report a peeping Tom was caught in the women's locker room at a local "Y." A woman in a neighboring shower stall spotted his hairy feet and called for help.

David Herbert Witham is charged with six counts of peeping. Authorities say he used a small mirror to catch glimpses of the women in the shower and undressing.

From this site.

What do you want for Christmas?

2004-12-11T11:21:00.000-05:00

All I want for Christmas is . . .

This image is from this site.

[Friday, Dec. 17th UPDATE: Last night, I was sitting in our pied-a-terre, knitting madly away, with Christmas music on the radio in the background, when what should I hear???? . . . but "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas!" Not once, but twice over the course of the evening! Who woulda thunk it? :-D]

Extra! Extra! Minnie smacks Mickey!

2004-12-11T11:02:00.000-05:00

Here's an image that takes me right back to being five. That would have been the mid-fifties, Ike was in the White House and the Cold War was heating up. Black-and-white television was the newest toy in the American toybox and Mickey Mouse was king of the heap.

This image is from this site.

Exercise your rights as an American citizen!

2004-11-02T11:16:00.000-05:00

Grrrrrwly Grrrrrl!

2004-10-17T21:52:00.000-04:00

She could give Tony the Tiger a run for his money. Cute little tiger!

A Pumpkin Tree!

2004-10-16T13:55:00.000-04:00

I LOVE the idea of carved pumpkins growing on trees! How cool!

And thanks to The Castle of Doom for this cool image.

Like the plant that ate Chicago?

2004-10-16T13:44:00.000-04:00

From the web, uh, somewhere . . . :

Swiss scientists have discovered what they think may be the biggest mushroom in Europe, a monster fungus the length of eight football pitches and mostly lurking underground.

The mushroom, which covers a whopping 35 hectares [86.5 acres] in a Swiss national park near the eastern town of Ofenpass is thought to be more than 1,000 years old, forestry experts say.

The mushroom, which is 800 metres long [874 yards or about a half-mile long] and 500 metres wide [546 yards or just under a third of a mile long], is of the armillaria type, according to the Swiss Federal Institute Forest, Snow and Countryside Research (WSL).

It consists of a vast network of sometimes very thick filaments which reach out along the path of tree roots in the mountainous, wooded region.

The visible parts of the mushroom that poke out above the ground or on the boughs of trees are the tip of the iceberg, representing a tiny part of the vast undersoil organism.

Some species within the family are formidable parasites which invade trees, gradually strangling them.

They have been blamed for the widespread destruction of pines within the national park, a WSL statement said.

One reason why the fungus may have survived for so long undetected and untroubled is that it is only edible when young, and even then is not a favourite with lovers of mushrooms.

--AFP

Sounds like a great idea for a scary movie! (And thanks to this site for the metric to English conversions . . . otherwise, I would have had NO idea of how big this big-ass fungus truly is!)

. . . the grass is always greener . . .

2004-10-16T13:34:00.000-04:00

With the election coming up, all the ponderous debates, hateful charges being hurled from the right to the left (note the one-way street), the efforts of Bliggity Bloggity Blog become more apparently necessary.

Where is the love these days? Where is the silliness these days? This is a time to laugh and enjoy how silly we can all be.

Arrrgh!

Take this for example:

The Sunset Hills Memorial Park cemetery is giving up grass in favor of artificial turf.

It's a move owners believe will save as much as $180,000 in water and maintenance costs over the next three years. The cemetery is the final resting place for cowboy stars Roy Rogers and Dale Evans.

"I actually believe it will revolutionize the cemetery industry eventually," said Sunset Hills co-owner Chet Hitt. He knows of no other cemetery that uses artificial turf.

Hitt originally started selling artificial turf just to people who wanted it for their family plots, but has gradually begun to put it down throughout the cemetery. He expects he'll have to replace it about once every eight years.

Artificial grass has several benefits besides saving money on water and maintenance costs, said Dave Hepburn of the Interment Association of California, the state's largest cemetery trade association.

Real grass can discolor tombstones and grow into graveside flower vases, damaging them, Hepburn said. Heavy watering can also damage concrete walkways and discolor headstones over time.

"The most important thing for a cemetery is to look good at all times, to look beautiful inside," Hepburn said.

I wonder if the Fischer brothers have heard about this?

drink, drank, drunk

2004-09-24T13:55:00.000-04:00

For a new source of silliness, we have Modern Drunkenness Magazine. Here are some nuggets of wisdom from their aptly titled, "Winos of Wisdom:"

“Oh, I’m not a drunk. I’m a drank. As in, I just drank all my beer. But I’m willing to be a drunk if you buy me a drink.”
Joan B., playing with words and men’s emotions outside the Carioca Cafe.

“I want all the booze in the world in this glass right now. All of it. Mix it up. I’ll drink every damn drop. Of course, I’m going to need a bigger glass.”
An ambitious yet pragmatic Tom H. wanting it all at the Lion’s Lair Lounge.

“Give me another glass of wine, and pour it strong this time.”
Annie G., 24, attempting to squeeze booze from a turnip at the Streets of London Pub.

“You’re not drunk if you can lay on the floor without holding on.”
Scott Q. while desperately clawing at his living room carpet.

“Give me well scotch and top shelf water.”
Mary K. worrying about the wagon instead of the mule at Southpark Tavern.

“Go ahead and unload on me, man. I’m pretty sure I’m blacked out right now and won’t remember nothing.”
An extremely loaded, yet intensely self-aware patron at the High Street Speakeasy.

“You’re hard to remember, but easy to forget.”
Trish C., 24, dishing out a sweet burn at the Lion’s Lair.

"I want four stupid fruity shots. Stupid and fruity as you can make ‘em. Your choice. And a Jack Daniels neat.”
Name unknown, attempting to rescue his forsaken masculinity four shots too late at the Bar Bar.

“Grab hold me, boys! I’m about to rear up on my hind legs and take a bite outta the fuckin’ moon!”
Raymond L., 52, losing his composure but not his dreams at the Landmark Tavern.

Top Ten Bush Tax Proposals

2004-09-21T17:57:00.000-04:00

From CNN:

Democrat John Kerry joked Monday on "The Late Show with David Letterman" about changes under President Bush's tax plan.

Kerry's "Top 10 Bush Tax Proposals" are:
10. No estate tax for families with at least two U.S. presidents.
9. W-2 Form is now Dubya-2 Form.
8. Under the simplified tax code, your refund check goes directly to Halliburton.
7. The reduced earned income tax credit is so unfair, it just makes me want to tear out my lustrous, finely groomed hair.
6. Attorney General (John) Ashcroft gets to write off the entire U.S. Constitution.
5. Texas Rangers can take a business loss for trading Sammy Sosa.
4. Eliminate all income taxes; just ask Teresa (Heinz Kerry) to cover the whole damn thing.
3. Cheney can claim Bush as a dependent.
2. Hundred-dollar penalty if you pronounce it "nuclear" instead of "nucular."
1. George W. Bush gets a deduction for mortgaging our entire future.

... flush with comments ...

2004-09-05T13:59:00.000-04:00

Get this . . . talking toilets!

As an artistic venture, Leonard van Munster, an artist in Amsterdam, has outfitted public toilets with sensors that, upon sensing a person's presence, then start talking.

"You might consider sitting down next time," the toilet told a male Reuters reporter politely in a female robot voice. The next user was told that "The last visitor did not take heed of basic rules of hygiene."

Depending on circumstances, the toilet might remind you to wash your hands or ask you to lift the seat.

"It could suddenly start coughing and warn you about the dangers of cigarettes, or name all the cool movie stars who smoke. It just depends what mood it's in," van Munster said referring to people who sneak off to secretly have a puff.

Talk about an invasion of privacy!

Sometimes, I go to the bathroom to clear my thinking. In fact, I get some of my best ideas while in the bathroom! No talking toilets!

From CNN's Offbeat News.

". . . screwed, blued and tattooed . . ."

2004-08-28T12:20:00.000-04:00

Are you feeling screwed, blued and tattooed because the man slipped it to you? Like, stay loose, hit the pad and share a thumb with your pash.

Huh?

If that made no sense to you, check out "The Hippie Dictionary" by John McCleary. Using the new book to translate, readers come up with the more conventional: Are you feeling mistreated by the authorities? Relax, go home to bed and share a very large marijuana cigarette with your significant other."

Those expecting the dictionary, published by Ten Speed Press, to be a stodgy reference work are in for a jolt.

McCleary's book is chock-full of pointed editorializing, slang and swear words culled from the vernacular of the 1960s and 1970s hippie youth, who questioned authority and created their own counterculture.

. . . among the book's entries are such gems as "hey man" (the most prevalent greeting of the era) and "swacked" (high on drugs or alcohol).

One of the more amusing entries is found under "like," which McCleary calls an unnecessary word that along with "you know" and "I mean" has come to dominate U.S. speech.

"What is strange about these exclamations is that, even though they have no real bearing on the conversation, they indicate a desire ... to communicate with clarity and understanding."

. . . the book's entry for the term "hippie" says, "The true hippie believes in and works for truth, generosity, peace, love and tolerance. The messengers of sanity in a world filled with greed, intolerance and war."

. . .McCleary has no apologies for expressing highly subjective views in what is ostensibly a reference book.

In his entry on President John F. Kennedy's assassination, he wrote, "It is interesting to note that liberals are the ones who are killed in their prime, and conservatives die old in their soft beds. This world would be a better place in which to live if John Kennedy, Robert Kennedy, and Martin Luther King, Jr., had lived to die in their soft beds."

McCleary said his editorializing is necessary because the hippie era was a very opinionated period and some of the themes he touches on help illustrate the hippie philosophy.

-- from CNN's Offbeat News.

Not acceptable!

2004-08-28T11:38:00.000-04:00

From a website called In The News:

December 19, 2003 -- A feisty teller thwarted a bank heist by balling up the robber's demand note and throwing it back in his face.

"I can't accept this!" the teller at BB&T bank in Chesapeake, Va., told the man, who was so startled, he did a fast about-face and fled empty-handed.

"Have a good day at the office, honey!"

2004-08-28T11:19:00.000-04:00

Two sandhill cranes share a moment in a field off Old Clyde Park Road near Livingston, Montana, on August 22.

A value, huh?

2004-08-26T15:33:00.000-04:00

"This is not something we have a lot of experience with, but we felt it was an area where we could offer a value."
-- Costco Wholesale Corp. spokesman Bob Nelson, on the company's decision to offer value-priced caskets to customers who frequent the store for bulk food and other items

From Newsweek's Periscope

Contact his agent . . .

2004-08-19T11:30:00.000-04:00

From CNN's Offbeat News:

A black bear was found passed out at a campground in Washington state recently after guzzling down three dozen cans of a local beer, a campground worker said on Wednesday.
"We noticed a bear sleeping on the common lawn and wondered what was going on until we discovered that there were a lot of beer cans lying around," said Lisa Broxson, a worker at the Baker Lake Resort, 80 miles (129 kilometers) northeast of Seattle.
The hard-drinking bear, estimated to be about two years old, broke into campers' coolers and, using his claws and teeth to open the cans, swilled down the suds.
It turns out the bear was a bit of a beer sophisticate. He tried a mass-market Busch beer, but switched to Rainier Beer, a local ale, and stuck with it for his drinking binge.
Wildlife agents chased the bear away, but it returned the next day, said Broxson. They set a trap using as bait some doughnuts, honey and two cans of Rainier Beer. It worked, and the bear was captured for relocation.

I wonder if ad execs have ever thought of using a bear for a beer commercial????

I think this qualifies as silly

2004-08-18T18:21:00.000-04:00

From the Associated Press, originally from the Quad-City Times.

. . . to duh kitties

2004-08-18T17:53:00.000-04:00

From CNN's Offbeat News:

Dressed in a tuxedo, Simba sat at the front of one of Manhattan's newest dining establishments and nodded at people who greeted him.

Then he yawned, began to roll on the floor and lick his paws.

That's acceptable behavior at the Meow Mix Cafe, a new eatery designed especially for cats and their human owners.

Simba, an 8-month-old kitten, was joined by about two dozen other tabbies, Persians and Burmese for a feast at Tuesday's grand opening of the cafe, which is owned by the Meow Mix Company, a Secaucus, New Jersey-based cat food maker.

"Why not take your cat out for dinner?" asked Simba's owner, Leah Thompson, 19. "There's always things for dogs, but never cats."

The midtown restaurant serves Meow Mix packets for its feline customers with corresponding dishes to satisfy human palates.

"Deep Sea Delight" mackerel for cats is paired with tuna rolls for cat owners; "Upstream Dream" salmon for felines corresponds with mini crab cakes for humans.

Meow Mix president and CEO Richard Thompson said the feline-friendly restaurant has two main rules: no dogs and no catnip, which must be checked at the door.

"Our goal is to keep cats happy," Thompson said. "The idea is that you can bring them and start socializing them."

Don't mess with her

2004-08-10T16:17:00.000-04:00

Wonder Woman is truly a wonder!

" . . . moo like cows . . . "

2004-08-09T16:52:00.000-04:00

From CNN's Offbeat News:

NEW YORK (Reuters) -- It's not about sex and all about the touchy-feely experience of snuggling up to perfect strangers wearing pajamas.

The grab fests are called cuddle parties, and since they started in New York in February, hundreds of people have paid $30 each to touch and embrace others in intimate gatherings.

Everyone needs to be cuddled, especially in lonely New York, say creators Reid Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski, who say it's a good way to meet new and interesting people.

But the rules are clear. The PJs stay on the whole time.

In case things get too steamy, a small chime is kept on hand. Before the cuddling begins, the chime is struck several times so everyone gets the message.

"We've never used it," said Mihalko, who said sexual arousal does occur.

The idea for cuddle parties loosely came about after Mihalko, a 14-year masseur, began giving massages to other masseurs who never got the chance to receive them.

Signs that people need to be touched were brought home one day when Mihalko said he noticed a woman bawling from the emotional release that a massage provided her at an outdoor stand in midtown Manhattan.

"It started out as a joke," Baczynski said. "Now we talk about cuddling all the time. It's just been amazing."

Curiosity is a big driver for people who attend cuddle parties, and it is a better way to meet people than going to a bar, getting drunk and spending the night with someone just because of the need for some affection, she said.

A cuddle party is really about communication and not therapy, say the organizers.

Before any touching begins, participants gather in a circle to hear the rules and voice any questions or concerns. The first rule is that the event is not clothing optional, pajamas must stay on and sex is not permitted.

Participants team up into pairs, and to ensure the boundaries of what is permissible are clear, they practice saying "no" to the question, "May I kiss you?"

An introduction to cuddling ensues, first by hugging three people. People then get in a circle on their hands and knees, rub shoulders and moo like cows. After a bit of swaying, everyone falls to their side, which puts them into an easy cuddling position.

Cuddle parties are intended for people who are emotionally sound. People in therapy or who are seeing a mental health professional are asked to consult their doctor before signing up for a party and to tell organizers of their situation.

One group on an overcast Sunday drew a mix of mostly single people in their 30s and a smattering of older people.

A repeat customer who called herself a born-again Christian said it was good to cuddle up to another person, albeit a perfect stranger, after a hectic week.

"I felt good. I had a particularly stressful week," said the woman, who did not wish to be named.

Friends had warned her that the parties would be nothing more than thinly disguised preludes to sex, but she dismissed those worries as alarmist and unfounded, saying, "It's not about sex."

Like others, the chance to meet someone was a consideration in attending a cuddle party.

"People in a way are looking for a connection," Fernando said. "It's weird, but not unusual."

A man named Dwayne H., who described himself as introverted, said he thought the parties would help him relax before strangers and help him express his feelings.

"I have a problem showing emotion," he said.

This story describes cuddling parties in New York City. With all that mooing going on, wait 'til they become popular in the dairy states. Oh, my gosh!

Where's he going?

2004-08-07T13:11:00.000-04:00

For some reason, I find this photo funny and yet, oddly compelling.

What does the photo say to you?

(Oh, yes, this was posted on the Associated Press wire and published by the Chillicothe Gazette. [Ohio])

Ms. Froggie enjoying her veggies

2004-08-07T12:47:00.000-04:00

Somehow, with us being in the middle of August, garden veggies popping, weekly farmer's markets -- and generally the sheer fullness of nature's bounty -- I just thought we needed to reflect on Ms. Froggie here, enjoying her produce.

You can smoke some weed, but no toe-licking!

2004-08-06T13:02:00.000-04:00

Count on CNN's Law Center to report on this:

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands (Reuters) -- Unsolicited toe-licking would be banned in the Netherlands under a law sought by the Dutch Labor party after police were unable to prosecute a would-be Casanova with a taste for female toes because he had committed no crime.

A police spokesman said Friday a man had been detained after women sunning themselves in Rotterdam's parks and beaches claimed he had snuck up on them and begun to lick their toes.

"The officers had to let him go. Licking a stranger's toes is rather unusual but there is really nothing criminal about it," the spokesman said.

Dutch press reports said the man, who is about 35, had been licking the toes of strangers for about three years but was only recently caught by police.

Peter van Heemst, a Labor member of parliament, asked Christian Democrat Justice Minister Piet Hein Donner Friday to explain why Dutch laws forbid littering but not uninvited toe-licking. Van Heemst demanded an amendment prohibiting it.

"It is a violation of one's privacy and one's physical integrity," he told a local news agency. "The norm... is that no one should touch your body if you haven't asked them first."

A spokesman for Donner said the minister could not immediately comment.

Well, if I ever travel in the Netherlands, I'll feel safer now.

Homeland Security in action

2004-08-06T12:31:00.000-04:00

What kind of a world is it when someone of Middle-Eastern descent can't so much as drop a gum wrapper on the street without being descended upon by various governmental agencies, but good ol' American baddies get a free pass to rob banks when the current leader of the free world and his successor are in town?

http://www.wistv.com/Global/story.asp?S=2136958 (link courtesy of Mr. Maxxx)

Help wanted: Court jester

2004-08-04T15:51:00.000-04:00

From CNN's Offbeat News:

LONDON, England (AP) -- English Heritage, guardian of various historic sites in Britain, is advertising for someone to be the nation's first court jester since 1649.

An ad appearing in Thursday's editions of The Times laid out the qualifications: "Must be mirthful and prepared to work summer weekends in 2005. Must have own outfit (with bells). Bladder on stick provided if required."

Auditions will be held Saturday at Stoneleigh Park in Warwickshire, and the winner will have to negotiate a salary, English Heritage said.
The court jester's position died along with King Charles I, who was executed by Oliver Cromwell's supporters in 1649. The monarchy was restored 11 years later, but the position of jester did not return.

"It is about time we had a jester again," said Tracy Borman, the agency's director of education, events and outreach.

"It is one of those roles that fell by the wayside when Cromwell made Britain a republic, but there is no reason not to bring it back now."

I have always loved the words, "mirth" and "merry." Oh, to be mirthful and merry! Bring it on, o ye court-jester-to-be.

A New Trick for Old Dog Owners

2004-08-02T17:18:00.000-04:00

From good ol' CNN comes this article:

You: Here, Rover. Here, boy!
Dog: Pant, pant, pant.

You: Eat this.
Dog: Crunch, crunch.

You: Feel smarter?
Dog: Why, yes, I do.

The above human-and-canine dialogue could take place courtesy of the good folks at Proctor & Gamble (although your dog won't actually start talking). This week P&G's Eukanuba brand unveiled food that it claims will produce smarter dogs.

I already think Cisco is too smart for her britches, er, uh, her own good, so I'll stick to Sensible Choice, thanks!

Did you see the BLUE MOON ????

2004-08-01T12:37:00.000-04:00

While I didn't see our blue moon Friday night/early Saturday morning, I did see it last night (Saturday) . . . and it was a beaut!

Here's a transcript of CNN's interesting article about blue moons and the possible origins of the adjective, "blue:"

Some almanacs and calendars assert when two full moons occur within a calendar month, that the second full moon is called the "Blue Moon."

That second full moon this month will come on Saturday, July 31st, and will look no different than any other full moon.

On past occasions, usually after forest fires or volcanic eruptions, the moon can indeed take on a bluish or lavender hue. Soot and ash particles, deposited high in the Earth's atmosphere can sometimes make the moon appear bluish. Such a situation was noted across eastern North America in late September 1950, due to smoke from widespread forest fire activity in western Canada. Also, in the aftermath of the massive eruption of Mount Pinatubo in the Philippines in June 1991 there were reports of blue moons worldwide.

The phrase "Once in a blue moon" was first noted in 1824 and refers to occurrences that are uncommon, perhaps even rare. Yet, to have two full Moons in the same month is not as uncommon as one might think. In fact, it occurs, on average, about every 32 months. And in the year 1999 it actually occurred twice in three months.

For the longest time no one seemed to have a clue as to where the "Blue Moon Rule" originated. I myself once suggested that the rule might have evolved out of the fact that the word "belewe" came from the Old English, meaning, "to betray." Perhaps, I suggested, the second full Moon is 'belewe' because it betrays the usual perception of one full moon per month.

It was not until the year 1999 that the origin of the calendrical term "Blue Moon" was at long last discovered. It was during the time frame from 1932 through 1957 that the Maine Farmers' Almanac suggested that if one of the four seasons (winter, spring, summer or fall) contained four full moons instead of the usual three, the third should be called a "Blue Moon."

But thanks to a couple of misinterpretations of this arcane rule, first by a writer in a 1946 issue of Sky & Telescope magazine, and much later, in 1980 syndicated radio program, it now appears that the second full Moon in a month is the one that's now popularly accepted as the definition of a "Blue Moon."

Another interesting fact about the full moon of July 2nd is its near coincidence with the time of perigee -- its closest point to the Earth. Perigee occurred on July 1st at 7:00 p.m. EDT; the moment of full moon comes just over a half a day later at 7:09 a.m. EDT on July 2nd. At the moment of perigee, the moon's distance from Earth was 222,107 miles (357,448 kilometers).

This circumstance will result in a dramatically large range of high and low ocean tides during this Independence Day weekend. Any coastal storm at sea around this time will almost certainly aggravate coastal flooding problems. Such an extreme tide is known as a perigean spring tide, the word spring being derived from the German springen -- to "spring up," not a reference to the spring season.

While this will be one of the "biggest" full moons of 2004 (the June full moon was slightly closer) the variation of the moon's size due to its distance is not readily apparent to observers viewing the moon directly. To those living on the shores near the Bay of Fundy in eastern Canada, however, the 10 to 20 foot (3 -6 meter) increase in the vertical tidal range makes it obvious when the moon lies near perigee, clear skies or cloudy.

Sign of Shame

2004-07-31T12:28:00.000-04:00

From CNN:

A woman who stole $4.52 worth of fuel was ordered to stand outside the gas station Friday wearing a sandwich board sign that declared: "I was caught stealing gas."

Sherelle Purnell obeyed the court order, although by the time she arrived 90 minutes late to her noon sentence, the crowd of people that gathered to watch her had dispersed.

"There were parents who came with their children, wanting to teach them a lesson," said Jan Phipps, manager of Gordy's Tiger Mart, which pushed for the unorthodox punishment.

Purnell, 18, who was caught on surveillance tape speeding away from the gas pump, walked along the convenience shop's grassy storefront as passing drivers honked horns and made catcalls.

Andrew Black, who stopped by on his lunch break, was critical of the punishment and converted an old beer poster into a sign protesting high gas prices.

"What is this, the Middle Ages?" said Black.

Purnell declined to comment.

Some passers-by considered the punishment to be a good deterrent.

"Embarrassment is the best way to deal with these things," Randy Jedlicka said.

My take? While stealing is a deplorable thing, is our society enlightened for using tactics of shame and humiliation to deter it?

WHAT TREE DID YOU FALL FROM?

2004-07-31T08:12:00.000-04:00

This has probably been round the world at least three times via email,
(which is how I received it) but I still think it's kind of fun and interesting.

Find your birthday and then find your tree. This is really cool and
somewhat accurate, also in line with Celtic astrology.

Dec 23 to Jan 01 - Apple Tree
Jan 01 to Jan 11 - Fir Tree
Jan 12 to Jan 24 - Elm Tree
Jan 25 to Feb 03 - Cypress Tree
Feb 04 to Feb 08 - Poplar Tree
Feb 09 to Feb 18 - Cedar Tree
Feb 19 to Feb 28 - Pine Tree
Mar 01 to Mar 10 - Weeping Willow Tree
Mar 11 to Mar 20 - Lime Tree
Mar 21 (only) -Oak Tree
Mar 22 to Mar 31 - Hazelnut Tree
Apr 01 to Apr 10 - Rowan Tree
Apr 11 to Apr 20 - Maple Tree
Apr 21 to Apr 30 - Walnut Tree
May 01 to May 14 - Poplar Tree
May 15 to May 24 - Chestnut Tree
May 25 to Jun 03 - Ash Tree
Jun 04 to Jun 13 - Hornbeam Tree
Jun 14 to Jun 23 - Fig Tree
Jun 24 (only) - Birch Tree
Jun 25 to Jul 04 - Apple Tree
Jul 05 to Jul 14 - Fir Tree
Jul 15 to Jul 25 -Elm Tree
Jul 26 to Aug 04 - Cypress Tree
Aug 05 to Aug 13 - Poplar Tree
Aug 14 to Aug 23 - Cedar Tree
Aug 24 to Sep 02 - Pine Tree
Sep 03 to Sep 12 - Weeping Willow Tree
Sep 13 to Sep 22 - Lime Tree
Sep 23 (only) - Olive Tree
Sep 24 to Oct 03 - Hazelnut Tree
Oct 04 to Oct 13 - Rowan Tree
Oct 14 to Oct 23 - Maple Tree
Oct 24 to Nov 11 - Walnut Tree
Nov 12 to Nov 21 - Chestnut Tree
Nov 22 to Dec 01 - Ash Tree
Dec 02 to Dec 11 - Hornbeam Tree
Dec 12 to Dec 21 - Fig Tree
Dec 22 (only) - Beech Tree

YOUR TREE
( in alphabetical order)
Apple Tree (the Love) -- quiet and shy at times, lots of charm, appeal,
and attraction, pleasant attitude, flirtatious smile, adventurous,
sensitive, loyal in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner,
very generous, many talents, loves children, needs affectionate
partner.

Ash Tree (the Ambition) -- extremely attractive, vivacious, impulsive,
demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent,
talented, likes to play with fate, can be very egotistic, reliable, restless
lover, sometimes money rules over the heart, demands attention, needs love and
much emotional support.

Beech Tree (the Creative) -- has good taste, concerned about its looks,
materialistic, good organization of life and career, economical, good
leader, takes no unnecessary risks, reasonable, splendid lifetime
companion, keen on keeping fit (diets, sports, etc.).

Birch Tree (the inspiration) -- vivacious, attractive, elegant,
friendly, unpretentious, modest, does not like anything in excess, abhors the
vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate, full of
imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and content atmosphere.

Cedar Tree (the Confidence) -- of rare strength, knows how to adapt,
likes unexpected presents, of good health, not in the least shy, tends to
look down on others, self-confident, a great speaker, determined, often
impatient, likes to impress others, has many talents, industrious,
healthy optimism, waits for the one true love, able to make quick decisions.

Chestnut Tree (the Honesty) -- of unusual stature, impressive,
well-developed sense of justice, fun to be around, a planner, born
diplomat, can be irritated easily, sensitive of others feelings, hard
worker, sometimes acts superior, feels not understood at times,
fiercely family oriented, very loyal in love, physically fit.

Cypress Tree (the Faithfulness) -- strong, muscular, adaptable, takes
what life has to give but doesn't necessarily like it, strives to be
content, optimistic, wants to be financially independent, wants love and
affection, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot be satisfied, faithful,
quick-tempered at times, can be unruly and careless, loves to gain
knowledge, needs to be needed.

Elm Tree (the Noble-mindedness) -- pleasant shape, tasteful clothes,
modest demands, tends not to forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead
but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, likes making decisions for
others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humor, practical.

Fig Tree (the Sensibility) -- very strong minded, a bit self-willed,
honest, loyal, independent, hates contradiction or arguments, loves life and
friends, enjoys children and animals, a social butterfly, great sense
of humor, likes idleness and laziness after long demanding hours at work,
has artistic talent and great intelligence.

Fir tree (the Mysterious) -- extraordinary taste, handles stress poorly,
loves anything beautiful, can become depressed at times, stubborn,
tends to care for those close to them as well as helping strangers, rather
modest, hard worker, talented, unselfish, few sexual relationships, many
friends, doesn't want foes, very reliable.

Hazelnut Tree (the Extraordinary) -- charming, sense of humor, very
demanding but can also be very understanding, knows how to make a lasting
impression, active fighter for social causes and politics, popular,
quite moody, sexually oriented, honest, a perfectionist, has a precise sense
of judgment and expects complete fairness.

Hornbeam Tree (the Good Taste) -- of cool beauty, cares for its looks
and condition, good taste, is not egoistic, makes life as comfortable as
possible, leads a reasonable and disciplined life, looks for kindness
and acknowledgment in an emotional partner, dreams of unusual lovers, is
seldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of its
decisions, very conscientious.

Lime Tree (the Doubt) - intelligent, hard working, accepts what life
dishes out, but not before trying to change bad circumstances into good ones,
hates fighting and stress, enjoys getaway vacations, may appear tough, but
is actually soft and relenting, always willing to make sacrifices for
family and friends, has many talents but not always enough time to
use them, can become a complainer, great leadership qualities, is jealous
at times but extremely loyal.

Maple Tree (Independence of Mind) -- no ordinary person, full of
imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-confident,
hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, has many complexities,
good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress.

Oak Tree (the Brave) -- robust nature, courageous, strong, unrelenting,
independent, sensible, does not like change, keeps its feet on the
ground, person of action.

Olive Tree (the Wisdom) -- loves sun, warmth and kind feelings,
reasonable, balanced, avoids aggression and violence, tolerant, cheerful, calm,
well-developed sense of justice, sensitive, empathetic, free of jealousy,
loves to read and the company of sophisticated people.

Pine Tree (the Peacemaker) -- loves agreeable company, craves peace and
harmony, loves to help others, active imagination, likes to write
poetry, not fashion conscious, great compassion, friendly to all, falls
strongly in love but will leave if betrayed or lied to, emotionally soft, low self
esteem, needs affection and reassurance.

Poplar Tree (the Uncertainty) -- looks very decorative, talented, not
very self-confident, extremely courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and
pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity,
great artistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean toward philosophy,
reliable in any situation, takes partnership seriously.

Rowan Tree (the Sensitivity) -- full of charm, cheerful, gifted without
egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even
complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic,
passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.

Walnut Tree (the Passion) -- unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts,
often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions,
spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon
partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very
jealous and passionate, no compromise.

Weeping Willow (the Melancholy) -- likes to be stress free, loves family
life, full of hopes and dreams, attractive, very empathetic, loves
anything beautiful, musically inclined, loves to travel to exotic places,
restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with when
pressured, sometimes demanding, good intuition, suffers in love until
they find that one loyal, steadfast partner; loves to make others laugh.

I am a Fig Tree . . . yeah, that sounds about right. What are you??

R-rated joke; children, don't read this!

2004-07-30T23:59:00.000-04:00

The Tight Skirt:

In a crowded Texas city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.

Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."

West Virginian woman is all stuck up!

2004-07-26T18:44:00.000-04:00

From USA Today's Offbeat News:

When Joyce Stewart sits down to her daily cup of coffee, she likely won't attempt first aid on herself again.

On Monday morning, Stewart used 3M's liquid bandage to treat a crack on her heel and within minutes her foot was glued to the floor. It took three paramedics over an hour and a bottle of baby oil to free her.

Stewart, 59, of Martinsburg had positioned her left foot so that her heel was off of the floor and applied the liquid to the back of her foot. Without realizing, the liquid had run from the back to the ball of her foot before she placed her foot flat on the floor again.

Soon after, her grandson came in from and asked for pancakes. When Stewart tried to get up and move to the kitchen, she couldn't.

"I said, 'Oh my gosh, I'm stuck,'" Stewart said.

Stewart said that her relatives first thought she was joking. With a knife, she tried to loosen the linoleum's grasp on her foot. But after skin began to pull away and her foot started to bleed, Stewart said she realized it was no laughing matter.

She sought help from her daughter, who lives next door. When family members failed to solve the problem, they called 911.

Though the package states that the product runs easily and sets quickly while warning against getting the product on furniture, counters or clothes, it says nothing about warning against the gluing of body parts.

"They should have that on there," Stewart said.

Representatives from 3M have offered to pay for her medical expenses, Stewart said. She is expected to make a full recovery, but it may take her pride a bit longer to heal.

"I was embarrassed," she said. "I was still in my robe."

A company spokeswoman reached Wednesday morning in Minnesota did not have an immediate comment.

Watch out for those adhesives!

Be All You Can Be

2004-07-22T12:09:00.000-04:00

From CNN's Offbeat News comes this story:

NEW YORK (Reuters) -- The U.S. Army has long lured recruits with the slogan "Be All You Can Be," but now soldiers and their families can receive plastic surgery, including breast enlargements, on the taxpayers' dime.

The New Yorker magazine reports in its July 26th edition that members of all four branches of the U.S. military can get face-lifts, breast enlargements, liposuction and nose jobs for free -- something the military says helps surgeons practice their skills.

"Anyone wearing a uniform is eligible," Dr. Bob Lyons, chief of plastic surgery at Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio told the magazine, which said soldiers needed the approval of their commanding officers to get the time off.

Between 2000 and 2003, military doctors performed 496 breast enlargements and 1,361 liposuction surgeries on soldiers and their dependents, the magazine said.

The magazine quoted an Army spokeswoman as saying, "the surgeons have to have someone to practice on."

Practicing the piano is one thing. Practicing surgery is another!

All lit up!

2004-07-19T16:11:00.000-04:00

From CNN's Offbeat News:

BLACKSVILLE, West Virginia (AP) -- A man smoking in a portable toilet lit up more than a cigarette.

The potty exploded Tuesday when a buildup of methane gas mixed with the lit cigarette, said a spokeswoman for Monongalia Emergency Medical Services.

The methane didn't "take too kindly" to the lit cigarette, she said.

Emergency workers said the man was not severely injured and drove himself to the hospital after the stinky, smoky mess.

Ouch!!!

Hand, Foot and Mouth

2004-07-03T10:58:00.000-04:00

From the Detroit Free Press's tech columnist, Mike Wendland, comes this funny/odd story:

So there I was packed and ready to fly to Philadelphia today for a media briefing by Comcast.

Except I couldn't shake this weird fever I've been running since Sunday, trying to control with Advil and the like. There have been no other symptoms, just the fever.

I took my temperature around 9am and it was near 102.

I headed to the doctor on the way to the airport.

Then I headed home, where I now sit in a recliner updating this blog by wi-fi.

I had to cancel the trip because the doctor said I have something called hand, foot and mouth disease.

Don't laugh, though I will understand a snicker or two. Seems I caught it from one of my grandkids. It's mostly a kid disease but sometimes adults do get it. The doc said it was contagious and best if I cancel the trip.

The fever comes and goes with the drugs. When it comes, it knocks me out with aches and chills and fatigue. But when the drugs bring it down, like now, I feel tolerable, but tired.

I tried to cancel my airplane ticket. No dice. As the reservation clerk explained reading the fares and restrictions info from my ticket, the only way Northwest would let me out of it was if I died.

I'm not quite that bad.

But I would have infected the whole plane if I flew. Somehow, you'd think a doctor's note or something would convince the airline it was best for them that I didn't fly.

A new worry? . . . first, hoof-and-mouth, then mad-cow, now hand-foot-and-mouth disease? Yikes!

Fireworks over Lady Liberty

2004-07-01T15:09:00.000-04:00

A fun site: Make your own fireworks here.

An early Happy Fourth of July, everybody!!!

Thanks to this site for the gorgeous photo.

Loose Moose

2004-07-01T12:47:00.000-04:00

A suburban Boston town has a new resident.

A moose wandered into a Wellesley neighborhood, causing quite a buzz with local residents and causing police to slow traffic.

The commotion began around 5:30 p.m. on June 29, when residents say the moose was seen trotting through the tree-lined streets. Police established a perimeter in the neighborhood hoping the moose would not travel onto a main road, but the effort was foiled when the animal crossed the busy thoroughfare.

Environmental officials think the moose was a young animal that got separated from his mother and was looking for its own territory. The animal is now hiding out in a heavily wooded area.

From CBS News.

Holy Roller

2004-07-01T12:45:00.000-04:00

An Indian holy man, popularly known as Ludkan Baba or the "rolling seer," has reached New Delhi on his rolling peace mission to neighboring Pakistan.

Baba is planning to roll all the way to Lahore, nearly 1,500 miles from his hometown of Ratlam in the central Madhya Pradesh state.

He said his mission was to prevent the death of innocent people in the disputed Kashmir region. Once in Lahore, Baba plans to meet Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf to congratulate him on the ongoing peace process between India and Pakistan.

Ludkan Baba holds a world record for rolling the longest distance: in 1994 he rolled from Ratlam to the shrine of Vaishno Devi, a distance of 2,485 miles.

From CBS News.

from the Hindustan Times

2004-07-01T12:37:00.000-04:00

I read it here. So can you.

Arctic newspapers struggle to survive with offbeat news

Of all the newspapers on all the islands in the world, Svalbardposten, the globe's northernmost broadsheet, can lay claim to the most offbeat front page news, ranging from polar bears on the rampage to serial shoe theft.

Given the hostile climate and the constant threat of bear attacks in this island group in the middle of the Arctic, newsmen go about their business by helicopter and snowmobile and usually carry a rifle as they hunt for news, which is never easy to come by.

"Svalbard is in the middle of nowhere," Torbjoern Pedersen, editor of Svalbardposten, said.

"We don't get press releases or news conferences, so we work only with primary sources. We always have to dig."
...
And of course everybody knows everybody else, which would make an ideal backdrop for an Agatha Christie murder mystery, but in fact, violent crime is very rare in this part of the world.

And yet, Svalbardposten, which is published on Friday, somehow manages to fill its 28 pages with things to write about, although the topics can be as obscure as the long winter months.

"Shoe theft tops the list of crime here," says Pedersen.

People here usually leave their footwear at the door when they come in from the cold "and when they party, it very easily happens that they leave with a different pair of shoes from the ones they came with," he explained.
...
After losing money for decades, Svalbardposten is in the black now, selling 3,330 issues every Friday, four times the number of households on Svalbard.

Sold for 15 kroner (just under two euros) at the newsstand, Svalbardposten also boasts subscribers on every continent.

Blaine's in, Ken's out

2004-07-01T12:15:00.000-04:00

From USA Today, comes this heartbreaking story (*sob*):

It could be a summer fling. Or maybe it's the real thing. But five months after she broke up with longtime beau Ken, Barbie has found a new love.

In February, Barbie's people at Mattel said that after 43 years together, the couple felt they needed "quality time" apart. But Barbie wasted little time finding a new hookup.

With the help of more than 2 million visitors to barbie.com, the original California girl has found comfort in the manly, tanned arms of Blaine, a transplanted Aussie surfer who happens to be the brother of Barbie's friend Summer. He'll be in stores in July, selling for $14.99.

Ken could not be reached for comment.

Son of a . . .

2004-06-29T12:47:00.000-04:00

From Jay Leno:

Former President Ronald Reagan’s son, Ron Reagan Jr., has attacked President Bush saying he made a terrible mistake in Iraq.

President Bush is furious – he said, "What does the son of a former president know about Iraq?”

Quote

2004-06-29T11:54:00.000-04:00

"The hard part about being a bartender
is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid."

— Richard Braunstein

The scales

2004-06-29T11:50:00.000-04:00

From Daily Humor at Refdesk:

"At the scale-manufacturers' convention, people often wanted to weigh themselves on different scales to see if they agreed. Some visitors abstained, however, not wishing to advertise their weight.

A smooth-talking representative coaxed a woman onto his scale by promising her that he would not look and that she could even cover the digital display so only she could see her weight.

She finally stood on the scale, whereupon a loud, mechanical voice from within the machine announced: "One hundred and sixty-three."

There's my nightmare in a joke; publicly announcing my weight. Eww-owwwwww!

Pot-flavored booze?

2004-06-28T13:13:00.000-04:00

From CNN's Offbeat News, comes this interesting article:

PRAGUE, Czech Republic (AP) -- A large alcoholic drinks manufacturer here has launched a marijuana flavored liquor, the company said Friday.

The drink does not contain any tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) -- the active substance in marijuana -- but does have an alcohol level of 16 percent, Jiri Janak, the head of liquor production at Drinks Union, told The Associated Press.
"We produce it from hemp, but there's no THC in it," Janak said, adding he has received no complaints from anti-drug activists.

He said the flavored vodka is sold mostly in large supermarket chains and in some restaurants.

A 0.5-liter (1-pint) bottle sells for about 85 koruna ($3.20).

Wow!!

Swedish treat: Moose cheese

2004-06-25T09:44:00.000-04:00

From CNN's Offbeat News:

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) -- It's healthy and tasty, for those with expensive tastes.

Farmers in northern Sweden are milking moose and making cheese, which they sell for a lot of dough -- nearly $500 a pound. The buyers include upscale hotels and restaurants in Sweden.

Christer Johansson and his wife, Ulla, started their 59-acre dairy farm "Moose House" seven years ago in Bjursholm, 404 miles north of the capital, Stockholm. They claim it is the only moose dairy farm in Europe.

The Johanssons currently have 14 moose in the fields but only three -- "Gullan," "Haelga" and "Juna" -- can be milked.

The three cows, who stay outdoors all year, were abandoned calves found in the woods around Bjursholm and taken in by the Johansson family.

"Fortunately they know and love us, because they weigh about 500 kilograms (1,100 pounds). They see us almost as their own calves," Christer Johansson said.

The Johanssons were inspired by similar facilities in eastern Russia, although those produce only milk, he said.

The moose only produce milk between May and September, the time from when they calve to when they are in heat again, Christer Johansson said. It takes up to two hours to milk a moose and they each produce up to a gallon of milk a day.

"That's one of the reasons why the cheese is so expensive," he said.

The milk, which contains 12 percent fat and as much protein, is refrigerated and curdling is done three times per year, crating about 660 pounds of cheese a year. It is made in three varieties and can be sampled at the farm's restaurant.

"We hope later on to be able also to export more of the cheese, especially the somewhat sour feta-type, which is laid down in oil and easy to transport," he said.

The Johansson farm attracts about 25,000 visitors a year.

"I'll have a ham-and-moose-cheese on rye, please."

In 1974, it was easy to get skinny...

2004-06-22T11:51:00.000-04:00

Why was it so easy to get skinny in the mid-70's? Because when you were on Weight Watchers, they offered you ideas like "Mackerelly" and "Rosy Perfection Salad" and "Caucasian Shashlik."

Cruise through the cards, if you dare. Just don't do it before lunch. Oh, and be sure to read the author's commentary on each card. It's quite hilarious.

A Very Short Story

2004-06-21T15:43:00.000-04:00

The class was supposed to write a short story in as few words as possible for a college class and the instructions were that it had to discuss Religion, Sexuality and Mystery.

The only one who received an A+ wrote the following:

Good God, I'm pregnant, I wonder who did it?